Once in a lifetime
by the-Brain-Sisters
Summary: Carter kept his feelings for Jing Mei to himself until he came close to losing her..
1. I Thought She Knew

..."And then she called, begging Weaver for the day off" Chuni placed one hand on her hip, her eyes following Carter as he made his way to the front desk.  
"And Weaver's flipping out. All I heard her say was something like 'congratulations' or whatever" she raised an eyebrow,""Who'd thought, you know? It's Chen"  
  
Haleh shook her head.  
  
"Labs are back, Carter" Lydia waved the slip of paper over her head,"Do you want them?"  
  
"Oh, thanks," Carter took the slip and glanced at it absently, he couldn't help but overhear their converstaion, "What about Chen?" he asked, looking between the two women.  
  
"She's engaged to that Kevin guy" Chuni said absently mindly."Ooooh shit" she turned around slowly, standing close to Carter."I wasn't supposed to tell you"  
  
Lydia just shook her head, grabbed two charts, and handed one to Haleh."That's our cue" Haleh nodded.  
  
Carter looked at Chuni, his mouth dropping open, "Wha...what?"   
  
"Engaged. To her boyfriend.Geesh Carter" Chuni tied her hair up into a ponytail,"I thought you'd gotten over her...-"  
  
Carter glanced at the lab slip, "Of course I have," he replied quickly, maybe a little too quickly, "I'm just..surprised, that's all."   
  
"Right.Patient in two is ready to have a heart attack if you don't get in there" Malik called.  
  
Chuni bit her lip."Your cue, Dr. I'm over Chen" she smirked and walked away  
  
Carter gave a sigh, "yeah, yeah," he called to Malik and shot Chuni a look and went to go help Malik.  
*****************  
She was my once in a lifetime  
Happy ending come true  
Oh I guess I should have told her  
But I thought she knew  
******************  
  
"He looked pale" Luka threw the chart down, throwing his large body into a small chair,"Think he's upset?"  
  
"Carter?" Abby asked, leaning back on the desk, glancing in the direction that Carter had walked off in, "Well, considering he looked at pale as a ghost, I'd say yes."  
  
"I remeber Chen saying he was her friend, I just never.." he shook his head,"This is what I get for trying to fade into the background, huh?" Luka smiled softly."Have you met 'Kevin'?"  
  
Abby gave a light laugh at him and nodded, "Yeah, briefly, once," she told him, "He seemed nice enough."  
  
"LUKA!! ABBY!" Gallant called,"I need a hand! NOWW!"  
  
Luka winced, standing up and wiping his hands on the side of his pants, "Ready?"  
  
Abby nodded and leaned up off the counter and followed him, "I don't have a choice."  
**************  
She said I took her for granted  
Last thing I would do  
Oh I'll never understand it  
'Cause I thought she knew  
**************  
She rested her head against his chest and sighed.  
"Peace. Finally. No one calling my name in some sort of frantic-"   
The male voice under her let out a chuckle."Well-" Jing Mei grinned,"No..no, that I don't mind. You don't need me to save your life".   
Bending over to kiss her cheek, Kevin nuzzled the side of her neck."No, that part, I'm all good". Closing her eyes, Jing Mei let out one last sigh."I have to tell Carter".  
  
"You know, he probably already knows," Kevin murmured, kissing her neck, "Why does it matter anyway?"  
  
"You've never met John" she pulled away slowly,"It matters"  
  
"Well, maybe if I did, then I'd know why," he said quietly and looked at her. "But he's your friend, right? I'm sure he'll be happy for you."  
  
Jing Mei pursed her lips."I'm sure you're right"  
**************  
I thought she knew   
My world revolved around her  
**************  
  
"MOMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY!" the little boy yelled,"He's hurting meeeeeeeeeee!"  
  
"No I'm not, I'm barely touching you!" Carter told the boy, "Come on, just settled down, please!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"  
  
"He's deathly afarid of needles" the mother told the nurses. Leaning against the doorframe, Chuni just smirked, watching Carter barely keep it together.  
  
Haleh and Malik nodded.  
  
"I swear to god, I'll sit on you" Haleh hissed to the little boy through a giant smile.  
  
"MOMMMMMMMMMMMY!"  
  
"Shhhh!" Carter hissed, trying to be gentle, but it just wasn't working, "It'll only sting for a minute."  
  
"Want me to get Lewis?" Chuni called,"You look like you need to get out of here"  
  
The mother, the little boy and the rest of the room just looked, in awe.  
  
"I'm fine," Carter snapped at Chuni and quickly gave the boy the injection while he was sitting there, stunned.  
  
The latin nurse just shook her head, leaving the room.  
  
"I dunno man. You seem alittle...-" Malik shook his hand, following Carter out of the exam room,"Everything alright?"  
  
"I'm fine," Carter replied, "I've just had a kid screaming at me for the last fifteen minutes, how would you be?"  
  
"Not like this" he replied huffly, walking away quickly.  
  
Carter let out a quiet groan to himself, "Sorry!" he yelled out, and walked back to the front desk, avoiding the looks everyone was giving him.  
  
"Message" Randi raised an eyebrow,"Says it's urgent" she handed the pink slip with Jing Mei's number scribbled on it."You alright, Carter?"  
  
Carter took the slip off her, "Why does everyone keep asking me that?" he asked and stopped when he saw the number.  
  
"Cause you just..looked like you saw a ghost, that's why" the desk clerk replied,"And you look totally strung out.What's Chen want with you" she nodded towards him,"With you anyway? She's got Kevin"  
  
Carter stared at her, "Yea, she does, I guess she doesn't need me then," he replied, tossing the slip of paper in the bin  
  
Randi stopped chewing her gum, watching him walk away sadly.  
*****************  
My love light burns for her alone  
But she couldn't see the flame  
*****************  
Jing Mei looked at the phone."Is it plugged in? I mean..I just called the hospital, right?"  
  
Kevin nodded, "You did, it works, it's fine," he told her gently, picking it up and putting the phone to his ear and holding it out to her, "it's fine."  
  
"Then why isn't he calling back?"  
  
He shrugged, "Maybe he's busy," he suggested. "You know, work."  
  
Jing Mei shook her head,"No..I said it was urgent". She rested her hand against her chest, hating that sudden quick beating."Shit"  
  
"What?" Kevin raised an eyebrow, "He'll call, just give it time."  
  
She stood up quickly, grabbing her clothes."I'll be back..I.." Jing Mei turned around quickly, kissing Kevin on the cheek."He knows, I have to say something to him.."  
  
"Jing Mei.." he protested, "He'll call."  
  
"I have to go Kevin!" she called,"It's...I gotta go"  
  
"Alright..go..go.." Kevin called out, there was no stopping her anyway.  
  
"I..I love you" she called down the hall.  
*******************  
Only myself to blame  
I should have known  
I should have known  
*******************  
Everyone seemed frozen at the front desk as Carter threw down his chart and marched angrily outside.  
  
"Go", the nurses gave Abby a slight shove.  
  
Abby shot them a look, "Why me?" she muttered and gave a sigh and followed him outside.  
  
"You're the only one he hasn't snapped at" Randi answered. They all turned to watch Susan follow him outside.  
  
"Nevermind" Malik muttered, as they all seperated and walked away in different directions.  
  
Susan found him out on the bench and she slid down next to him, "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"  
  
Carter shook his head, "Nothing's going on," he replied simply.  
  
"You know" she leaned forward, watching the cement with mock interest,"If you walk by the front desk, all they're talking about is your little temper tantrum with a kid"  
  
"That was my plan," Carter replied, "To give them some amusement for the day."  
  
Susan chuckled."Come on...you've got this total attitude, and a constant scowl that doesn't suite you" she sat back up, resting a hand on his shoulder,"Carter?"  
  
Carter glanced at her with a sigh and looked down at the ground, "It just threw me," he admitted quietly.  
  
"Wasn't it a small thing? I mean, you obviously still feel something for her.." she kicked at the loose gravel in front of them.  
  
"It was more than just a small thing," he murmured, "Well, for me anyway," he said as she stood up, "She's moved on, I should do the same." he said as he stared out to the bay. "She's happy, and that's the main thing, right?"  
  
Susan nodded slowly, resting her hand on his back and let out a loud sigh."Yeah, it is, huh?"  
  
Carter gave a small nod, "It is..." he murmured  
  
"Now you're going to get up" she chuckled,"Put a grin on your face, act human, or go home. Tell Weaver you're sick or something."  
  
"I can finish my shift," Carter protested, "I'm not dying or anything like that."  
  
"No, but you look it" Susan called as she headed back into the hospital.  
  
"Geee, thanks!" he called out with a shake of his head and sat there for a few more minutes, telling himself to get it together before he went back in.  
****************  
A heart full of words left unspoken  
Now that we're through  
I'd sell my soul to have this silence broken  
****************  
Jing Mei had pulled into her parking spot, she chuckled. There was something to be said for the rituals of everyday.   
She couldn't "come into the hospital" without being in her spot.She looked down at her left hand one last time before slipping off the skinny diamond ring she now wore around her finger,  
and slipping it into the ash tray."Wish me luck" she whispered to the ring as she locked the door behind her.  
***************  
Oh I thought she knew  
I thought she knew  
***************  
Carter was just about head back in, when he saw the familiar car pull up. "Great." he murmured to himself, not sure whether he should run in the other direction, or stay there. But by the time he had decided, Deb was coming his way. He stood up and shifted awkwardly, he couldn't just run off now.  
  
"You found out, huh?" she called, watching his body slump over once she figured he spotted her."I was going to tell you.."  
  
"Well, you should know by now, nothing stays a secret in there for very long," he said quietly and looked up at her, "I guess congratulations are in order."  
  
Jing Mei stood in front of him, her long sweater wrapped around her hap-hazardly."You told me that it was just this thing, that I wasn't supposed to think we were a 'thing', remeber?" she swallowed hard, wishing she'd kept her ring on her finger.  
  
"I remember," Carter said quietly, avoiding her gaze  
  
"Then why do I suddenly feel bad?" she looked over his head at the nurses that gathered in the ambulance bay.  
  
"You shouldn't feel bad," Carter said as he stood up quickly, "I'm happy for you, I am."  
  
Jing Mei shoved his shoulder down,forcing him back into a sitting position."That's it?I call you, you never answer, and you look like something terrible just happened to you.." the guilt welded up in her, and she fought the tears."You called us off, if anything you should be feeling bad"  
  
"Oh, of course I feel bad," Carter retorted, "I've felt bad every single moment since I did that," he told her  
  
She closed her eyes."There, you know. I have to go.."  
  
"yeah, go," Carter stood up again, "I'm sure your fiance is waiting," he said as he turned to the hospital.  
  
Jing Mei closed her eyes, waiting for his footsteps back towards the hospital.  
  
Carter retreated back into the hospital, "Congratulations!" he called out before pushing past the crowd that had formed.  
******************  
I thought she knew  
My world revolved around her  
My love light burns for her alone  
******************  
Shoulders shaking, Jing Mei punched the dashboard, yelling loud curses into the heavy air.  
"No..no! I'm happy" she slammed her fists down again, resting her head against the steering wheel."This is what I wanted"  
****************  
But she couldn't see the flame  
Only myself to blame  
****************  
Carter started at the board, but the words were swimming in front of him, and he felt like the walls were closing in, "I have to go," he said quickly to whoever was close by and dashed out of the hospital.  
  
Susan nodded."I gave Weaver a warning" she called after him.  
  
Carter nodded in acknowledgement as he pushed open the doors and took a gasp of air as he went out, fumbling for his keys as he blindly made his way to the car.  
  
"You're covering for him right?" Luka brushed past her.  
  
Susan sighed, turning around slowly,"Luka, I need to talk to you"  
  
"No"  
  
"Come on...please?"  
  
  
"Abby- ready to go?"  
  
Abby nodded and grabbed on to his arm, "Yeah, let's go...places to go, people to see."  
  
"Doctors to avoid" Luka tried to joke, "nevermind" he rested his jacket around her shoulders  
  
Abby laughed and tightened the jacket, "Sorry Dr Lewis," she called out innocently as she pulled Luka towards the door.  
*****************  
I should have known  
I should have known  
*****************  
Jing Mei looked at the blinking numbers."You..you never told me, you know" the tears welled up in her eyes. She looked up at the shadow that was Kevin walking back and forth in front of the window.  
"It was supposed to be this short, stupid thing, because I'd .." she closed the cell phone and closed her eyes. Opening it up again, Jing Mei held her breath,"If you had said one stupid thing like you mean everything to me, he does, you know? Kevin tells me all that.."   
she closed the cell phone, and slammed the car door, marching towards the house.  
  
Kevin immediately opened the door when he saw her pull up, he gave a slight frown when he saw her and pulled her into his arms, "What happened?"  
  
"I shouldn't have gone, you were right, he was busy, he was..." she rambled, sobbing as he slowly pulled off her sweater.  
  
"Shhhh...it's ok..." Kevin whispered quietly.  
  
"No, he still has feelings for me, and I guess I was supposed to sit and wait for him like all his other.." Jing Mei buried her face into his chest,"his girls. I liked him, I did. Now I don't know why"  
  
He stroked her hair gently and kissed the top of his head, "Well, he'll just have to get over those feelings.." he murmured, "And move on."   
  
She nodded, biting down on her lip, trying hard not to mention all the questions that seemed to bubble up in her suddenly."Say something nice to me" Jing Mei whimpered,still shaking.  
  
"I love you..and I want to spend the rest of my life with the most incredible woman on this planet.." he whispered.  
  
Jing Mei let her sobs be buried in his now damp shirt.  
*******************  
She was my once in a lifetime  
Happy ending come true  
******************  
The old woman stood at the door."Are you going to come in?"  
  
Carter looked down and nodded, "Thanks.." he said as he followed her in.  
  
"You look like hell" Millicent's hand flew to her grandson's forehead,"I told you about that place, John"  
  
"Gamma, I'm fine," Carter said for the hundredth time that day.  
  
"Then you'll want to check your messages" she answered, turning and walking up the stairs,"Some girl's been calling all night.."  
  
"Who?" Carter asked slowly and gave a sigh.  
  
Millicent shrugged."Woke me, the butler did. Your answering machine's been going all night"  
  
Carter rubbed his neck, "Ok..thanks," Carter replied as he made his way upstairs and pushed play on the answering machine as he went past it.  
  
"You..you never told me, you know" Jing Mei's voice sounded muffled, like she was covering her mouth with something,"It was supposed to be this short, stupid thing, because I'd .." she had laid the phone down, he could hear noises from the street, chirping, a car starting,,"If you had said one stupid thing like you mean everything to me, he does, you know? Kevin tells me all that.."  
  
Carter gave a sigh and stared at the machine, he had been a fool, he couldn't deny that, and now, it was too late, what could he do, he couldn't wreck her happiness, he wouldn't do that.  
  
"I did love you.I moved on...that's all" Jing Mei had called the final time, speaking hurriedly."You..you ended it"  
  
And it was with those words, he knew he had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him. He grabbed the nearest object and hurled it at the wall, wishing he could do it all again.  
*****************  
Oh I guess I should have told her  
But I thought she knew  
*****************  
*2 months later*  
  
She seemed happy with the wedding prepartions,it gave her something to focus on. The nurses all seemed smitten with Kevin's bright blue eyes, the curly hair. Jing Mei licked the final envelope."Done!"  
  
"Before me, damn" Yosh mutttered,closing his final invitation."Can I just take mine?"  
  
Jing Mei nodded.  
  
The nurse held his breath, as the shadow came into the lounge."I...gotta go"  
  
Carter stopped in the door way as he saw who was in there and more importantly, what they were doing. "Don't leave on my account." he murmured, heading straight for the coffee machine.  
  
"Noo..no,I hear someone calling" Yosh winced, rushing past them.  
  
"There's one in there for you.He still wants to meet you" Jing Mei clinched her jaw.  
  
"Oh.." Carter murmured, "I don't know why, I'm sure you've told him terrible things about me." Carter said, still staring at the coffee machine.  
  
She took a deep breath before speaking,"I told him my best friend is angry I didn't tell him I was engaged first, before everyone else"  
  
"Right," Carter murmured as he finally poured himself some coffee, "Maybe it would be best if I just didn't go," Carter told her quietly, "I don't want to ruin your day or anything, "he said softly, truth was, he wasn't sure if he could bare watching her get married.  
  
Shakingly gently, Jing Mei stood up, and slipped the envelope into the locker, then brushed past him, clenching her jaw hard to hold back the tears, and left all her wedding things on the lounge table.  
  
Carter gave a sigh, "And I just keep on digging that hole," he murmured as he sat down at table and glanced at all her things.  
***************  
I thought she knew  
I thought she knew  
I thought she knew  
***************  
* the wedding*  
  
"You look beautiful" the older woman ran her hand down the row of tiny pearl buttons sewn on the back of Jing Mei's dress.  
  
Jing Mei nodded sadly.  
  
"You..should be smiling"  
  
"I..I want to" she muttered,"Kevin's amazing. But.."  
  
The older woman nodded,"But?"  
  
They both turned to the shadow in the doorway.  
  
"No.." Jing Mei's lip quivered."Noo..."  
  
Carter stood in the doorway, the sight of her taking his breath away. He wasn't going to come, but at the last minute, he knew he had to, even though there was all this..stuff.   
She was still his best friend, the person who knew him the best, and it was her wedding day.   
  
"You look incredible," Carter whispered, momentarily forgetting what he wanted to say.  
  
"I'll leave you two" Jing Mei's mother touched her daughter's shaking arm and slipped out of the room.  
  
"You weren't going to come,I..I never got the card, chicken or pork" the dress swooshed when she stood up, and Jing Mei started to pace the room.  
  
Carter couldn't help but smile, "I'm not here for the food, "he said quietly.  
  
"If you had just said, you know.." Jing Mei's shaking hands dropped the flowers she had been fussing with. Taking a deep breath and the large skirt in her hands, she tried her hardest to pick them back up.  
"You..shouldn't have come. I've spent all these months just doubting.." she sucked in her breath.  
  
Carter watched her, the affect his presence had on her, "You're right..I shouldn't have come, I just..." Carter paused, "I just wanted to apologise I guess..I don't know," he really didn't.  
  
She motioned him over, and reached out for his wrist. Cupping the side of his face, Jing Mei kissed him hard, fighting the lump in her throat as tears raced down her cheeks.   
Pulling back, she headed towards the small couch."Almost time.You should go find your seat"  
  
Carter swallowed hard as he watched her and gave a small nod, somehow this felt like goodbye, which it was to some extent. "He's a lucky guy," Carter murmured as he headed to the door.  
*************  
I thought she knew  
I thought she knew  
  
Whoa....  
Oh I thought that she knew  
Yeah oooooooo....  
****************  
Jing Mei's mother had cleared out the chapel when Carter walked in.  
  
"They were all his friends" the small asian woman smiled,"I tried to get some to stay, it's just us-" she pointed to the old man asleep in the bench beside her.  
  
Carter looked at her in confusion, and at the empty chapel, "Huh?"   
  
"The chaplin, up there, he's waiting for you" she slid onto the wooden bench."I couldn't let Jing Mei make a mistake.Not like this." she smiled sadly.  
  
"Wha...what.." Carter stammered, looking at the chaplin who was gesturing for him to come up, he was beginning to understand, "But..what about..?"  
  
The old woman pulled her husband up with her as the organ started playing.  
*****************  
She was my once in a lifetime  
Happy ending come true  
****************  
"Do you, John Truman Carter, take this woman, to have and to hold, till death do you part?"  
  
Jing Mei squeezed his hand hard, looking down at the ring her mother had slipped off her father's hand and softly had handed them.  
The tarnished metal shone brightly.  
  
Carter stared at the woman in front of him, smiling softly and gave a small nod, "I do, "he whispered.  
  
"Do you Jing Mei, take this man.."  
  
She nodded slowly, her eyes never off his face. Jing Mei reached out to wipe a tear from his eye,"I do" 


	2. Forever Has Now Begun

She rested her head on his shoulder, for the first time taking comfort in closing her eyes and just sighing, taking   
in every single smell. His hand rested on the small of her back, curving almost to her exact body, making Jing Mei swoon   
just a little.  
  
  
Carter rested his cheek against her head, breathing deeply, "This is perfect," he murmured, smiling softly to   
himself, not fully believing that something this good had happened.  
  
Jing Mei rested her hand on his chest, smiling softly at the quick beating heart."Ssssh, I like this song" she   
chuckled quietly. Her father had produced a small radio and left quickly.  
She looked up at the top of the canopy, remebering how alive it looked with the lights and flowers her parents   
had paid for, and now, even though it was bare, she thought it was just as beautiful.  
  
Carter laughed softly to himself and watched her carefully as she looked around the deserted area, studying   
every feature, implanting everything into his memory, he didn't want to forget this moment, and the way she looked right then, so   
happy, so peaceful, so beautiful.  
  
"the one you should call, standing here all along" she sang softly,turning her eyes now to the way he was   
watching her."You were always so there, you just couldn't say you loved me" Jing Mei's shiny eyes turned sad,"That part I   
never got" She ran her finger along the side of his jaw.  
  
Carter looked at her closely, "I'm sorry," he whispered as he took her hand in his, "So many times I wanted to,   
but the words, they never came."  
  
Jing Mei intertwined her fingers with his, liking the buzz she got when she saw how well they fit when they   
danced. Her skin seemed to burn standing so close him, watching her father's wedding band shine on his finger."You saying   
I do made up for it" she choked out.  
  
Carter gave a soft smile and pulled her a little closer and looked at her face, his eyes shining, "I love you," he   
whispered, "I always have, I always will."  
  
It felt like she couldn't cry anymore, but as she let him move her back in forth in the sway they'd been locked   
in for hours it seemed, tears raced down Jing Mei's cheeks." It's about time"  
  
*flashback*  
"Heyyyyyyy!"  
  
She turned around sharply,"Yes?"  
  
"I'm..I'm Carter"  
  
"Deb Chen" the smaller woman held out her hand,"Can you tell me why you were chasing me?"  
  
He blushed,rubbing his neck nervously,"Uhh.."  
*************  
Ooh, ooh  
When the visions around you  
Bring tears to your eyes  
And all that surrounds you  
Are secrets and lies  
**************  
Jing Mei turned her face towards his, just studying him as they moved back and forth, his hand still on the small   
of her back, holding her ever so tightly, like she would leave him if he flinched or closed his eyes. She stood up straighter,   
kissing his bottom lip.  
  
Carter smiled through the kiss, as he kissed her back softly, closing his eyes briefly, his heart soaring, pulling   
her even closer to himself, he never wanted to let her go again.  
  
"Sing to me" she said quietly,"Come on John.." then pulled him into another kiss, liking the electric shocks that   
flew out of her toes, the way her heart had found and kept this new, quicker, happier beat.  
  
Carter opened his eyes again, looking at her closely, just wanting to do anything he could to make her happy,   
as he quietly started singing to the music, as they swayed gently.  
  
"I didn't think you would do it" she laughed quietly,"Ohhh man", she circled her arms around his neck,"I'm   
dancing with you in my wedding dress" Jing Mei pulled him into a softer kiss,"I want to cry again" she buried her face in his   
shoulder.  
  
Carter gave a low laugh, "Don't cry," he whispered as he softly hummed the tune of the song, "Did I tell you how   
beautiful you look?" he said softly.  
  
She nodded,"Before..."  
  
Carter smiled, "just checking," he whispered, "Because you do.." he told her sincerely.  
  
"It wasn't a big Carter wedding. I didn't think you would even.." Jing Mei started,"it was my mom's idea"  
  
"Why wouldn't I?" He whispered softly and gave a little smile, "I think, it was the best idea, ever.."  
  
She blushed."John..."  
  
"Deb..." Carter replied with a little laugh  
  
She lowered her eyes, blushing brightly,"This is going to be hard to explain at work"  
  
Carter smiled and ran his thumb over her cheek, "They're in for a shock, I can't wait to see the looks on their   
faces.."  
  
Jing Mei rested her head back on his shoulder."My feet are killing me"  
  
"Well then," Carter smiled and scooped her up in his arms, "Where to, madam?" he asked, smiling widely.  
  
"Your back" Jing Mei started to say..  
  
"Is fine," Carter finished for her as he walked over to a small bench and sat down with her, "There, how's that?"  
  
Her foot poked out through the dress,"Ahhhhh, new shoes" it was hard to tease when all she really wanted to   
do was be back in his arms, burying her face in his neck.  
  
Carter chuckled lightly and shifted a little and took off her shoes, "Why is it, that women where little shoes like   
this," he said depositing one of the floor, "when they know they'll be wearing them all day," he said as he removed the other, and   
the stood up and pulled her up with him.  
  
"Because I looked cute, you have to admit" Jing Mei held the large skirt up in her hands, looking down at her   
now bare feet."Now I look silly..."  
  
"You could never look silly," he smiled as he pulled her back into his arms.  
*******************  
I'll be your strength  
I'll give you hope  
Keeping your faith when it's gone  
The one you should call  
When standing here all alone  
*********************  
"It looked like a circus before" she rubbed the goosebumps that were forming on her arms, and pointed out   
behind him,"Ice scupltures, John. I had swan ice scupltures"  
  
"Ice scupltures?" Carter smiled, "Wow...I'm impressed," he said softly  
  
"Tulips in Febuarary" Jing Mei shook her head,"Tell me your dream wedding" she looked down at their   
interlocked fingers again, studying his hand over hers.  
  
"This," Carter murmured, and looked at her, "You, me, that's all that matters."  
  
Her lips curled into a soft smile."No doves, no wild dancing after.?"  
  
Carter shook his head, "Nope..just this," he said softly.  
  
"I was going to have butterflies" she sighed,"Instead of doves, cause that seemed cruel to me"  
  
Carter gave a soft smile, "We can get butterflies...and tulips," Carter told her gently, "if that's what you want, we   
can do it all again," he whispered.  
  
She shook her head quickly,"No..no, this I like. When I was little, Prince Charming always had dark brown   
hair" her hand trailed up his neck, finding their way into his hair. Jing Mei rested her head back on his shoulder,"I..I like this   
now"  
  
Carter wrapped his arms around her waist, "But if you want butterflies, I'll give you butterflies," he whispered.  
***************  
  
*flashback*  
  
.."Is he hard on you?" Deb stirred her coffee, looking down at the skin that Carter's eyes had focused   
on.  
  
"No, no. I won't be a good doctor unless I can handle all this, right?" he shrugged.  
  
Deb studied him carefully."That's not true"  
  
"Character building.I'm fine" he swallowed the last of his coffee."Want me to walk you to your car"  
  
She watched his hand slid into hers, his fingers resting akwardly against hers.  
****************  
And I will take you in my arms  
And hold you right where you belong  
Until the day my life is through  
This I promise you  
This I promise you  
******************  
  
Jing Mei rested against his shoulder on the bench, looking out into the empty cement where her pearl colored   
heels lay."I'm married.."  
  
Carter gave a soft smile, "We're married," he whispered and looked down at her face.  
  
"Tell me if you want to stop hanging all over you or whatever" she chuckled,"I just realized how clingy I've   
become.."  
  
Carter shook his head, "No..I don't want you to stop," he whispered.  
  
She nodded."Alright" Jing Mei rested her hand on his chest again, still looking out into the empty dance floor,   
with the heels and small radio."I couldn't say I could stop right now, anyway" she answered,"I..I like the way you feel, I   
guess" her cheeks burned.  
  
Carter smiled, "I know what you mean," Carter whispered, "This feels just perfect," he whispered, amazed at the   
way she seemed to just fit into his arms.  
  
"You're going to have to get time off" Jing Mei started to laugh,"For our honeymoon, I just realized," she   
laughed loudly, her whole chest shaking,"I..I already do. Can you imagine Weaver's face"  
  
Carter gave a laugh, "I think we'll need a camera when we tell them all." he chuckled at the thought. "So..where   
are we going? for the honeymoon?"  
"New Orleans" she stood up and sat back down between his legs, pulling his arms around her.  
  
"Wow, New Orleans, sounds good," he said, smiling brightly at her.  
  
She shook her head,"We..we don't have to. His family's from there, that's why we were going to go-"  
  
"Oh.." Carter murmured, and shifted a little uncomfortably, "Where's one place you -really- want to go?" he   
asked softly.  
  
Jing Mei's head seemed to hang lower, guilt hanging on her shoulders."This is going to be hard, you know this   
right?"  
  
Carter gave a little nod, "I know...god, I know," he whispered and looked at her, "Do you think he'll be ok?"   
  
She smiled wide,"He's in a rock band. He'll be more than fine. I'm worried about" 'me' was the word on the tip   
of her tongue, but her brain wanted her to say 'us' or 'you' even.  
  
"You're worried about..?" Carter asked and looked at her and rubbed her shoulders gently, "Everything is going   
to be ok," he whispered.  
  
Jing Mei nodded slowly, looking down at the fabric he'd balled his fist in.  
  
"It will," he whispered and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear.  
  
Her hand swam through the layer of cool white silk, untangling his,"Do you believe it?"  
  
Carter gave a little nod, "I do," he whispered, "Because, no matter how bad things have seemed, somehow,   
everything has turned out ok," he said softly. "Take us...I thought I had lost you for good."  
************  
I've loved you forever  
In lifetimes before  
And I promise you never  
Will you hurt anymore  
I give you my word  
I give you my heart  
This is a battle we've won  
And with this vow  
Forever has now begun  
*************  
  
Tears welled up in her eyes again, Jing Mei bowed her head, resting her hands on his thighs."Yeah.."  
  
Carter pulled her back to him and hugged her tightly, "I'll make sure everything will be ok," he whispered, "I   
promise."  
*****************  
  
*flashback*  
  
He rested against the hood of the car, his back to her.  
  
"You're not alright"  
  
Carter shrugged.  
  
"But you won't tell me, will you?"  
  
He turned around slowly, smiling."I would"  
  
Deb nodded, slowly moving her hand out of his."You have to let me go if I'm going home-"  
  
Carter pressed his lips against hers, then dropped her hand quickly.  
  
Smiling, she cupped the side of his face."See you tomorrow John Carter"  
******************  
  
She listenend to the little bit of quiet, the movement of life settling down in the park."W..What are we going to   
do about tonight?"  
  
It had seemed like forever since they were together, since she had rested against his bare skin like they used   
to.  
  
Carter looked at her, "I..I don't know," he said softly as he studied her face, trying to plan the next move, "I   
could..make some calls," he said softly, "Find somewhere nice," he murmured, "If you want me to," he added.  
  
"It's not like we've never" she undid his arms and stood in front of him,"You know?"  
  
"I know," he whispered, "It's just been a while," she quietly, looking up at her, "And I want it to be...perfect," he   
said smiling some more, "It -is- our wedding night..afterall."  
  
Lifting her skirt in his hands, Jing Mei straddled his lap, looking him directly in the eyes."It's been a really long   
time" she bit her lip, suddenly embarrassed by her straight forward move.  
  
Carter's eyes widened slightly, but then he relaxed, he had almost forgotten how forward she could be at times,   
"It has," he murmured as he leaned up and kissed her softly, resting his hands on her small waist, "Too long.."  
  
She laughed."Your eyes when I did that.." Jing Mei kissed him back, then rested her head against   
his chest.  
  
Carter gave an embarrassed laugh, "Well, it's not every day you do that," he murmured, resting his arms   
comfortably around her.  
  
"Sorry" she laughed still, undoing the tie around his neck, giving her something to focuse her attenion on.  
  
  
"Hey, no need to apologise," he smiled, running hand fingers over the smooth fabric of the dress.  
Jing Mei's fingers played with the buttons on his shirt."You thought about us after, didn't you?"  
  
Carter nodded, "Of course I did," he said softly, "I was madly in love with you, how could I not think about us.."  
  
"Rena, Susan..not that I was keeping count" Jing Mei looked up smugly.  
  
Carter blushed a little, "It was to keep my mind off you...and Kevin, when that started," he murmured, "It was either that or go insane."  
  
"But see..I only had Kevin" she said playfully,"You..you on the other hand" Jing Mei wrinkled her nose when she laughed. Behind him, she watched the dark sky slowly start paling into early morning.  
  
"Oh shush!" Carter teased and gave a small laugh and glanced over to where she was looking, "Wow..almost morning," he murmured.  
  
She shook her head, resting it against him for what felt like the millionth time,"What was that about our wedding night?"  
  
Carter chuckled lightly, "We'll just have to turn that into our, post wedding day?" he suggested, and then shook his head, "This has been the best night of my life," he whispered and looked down at her and kissed the top of her head.  
  
She closed her eyes, her hand resting on the side of his cheek.  
  
"I love you," he whispered, resting his hand on the small of her back as he gave her a soft smile and quietly watched her.  
************  
Just close your eyes each loving day  
And know this feeling won't go away  
Till the day my life is through  
This I promise you  
This I promise you  
*************  
"Come on.." she jumped up, grabbing his wrist,"We gotta go.."  
  
Carter quickly got up with her, "Where are we going?" he asked, following where she led him.  
  
Jing Mei rested one hand on his chest to stop him."5:30 the park turns on the -" she laughed,raising her hand as the sprinklers started to sputter, the park now filled in water."We were going to go anywhere" she laughed.  
  
Carter let out a laugh as the water drenched them both and gave a shake of his head, "Hope the dress isn't ruined," he smiled as he picked her up and spun her around as the water fell on them.  
  
Jing Mei buried her face in his jacket and laughed, her eyes squeezed tight.  
  
Carter laughed in delight as he spun around under the sprinklers with her, finally finding a spot away from the water and chuckled at Deb's drenched appearance, "I guess we should get out of here now, huh?"  
  
"C..cold" her teeth chattered,"You look like a drowned rat!"  
Her hand moved the hair that had fallen onto his forehead back, and Jing Mei smiled softly,"You can put me down now"  
  
Carter laughed, "Right," he smiled as he put her down and put an arm around her and led her over to the car.  
  
"I just got tired" she yawned,"Everything calmed down, you know?" Jing Mei rested against the passanger door."I was so wired before..it happened so fast" she lifted his hand, holding the hand with the ring against hers with her new ring.  
  
Carter nodded, "It was the adrenaline..the excitement," he smiled as he looked down at their hands, and the rings.  
  
"Have to turn all doctorly on me. It's the adrenaline" Jing Mei grinned, a sideways grin that made her whole face beam,"It's wild, huh?"  
  
Carter laughed and leaned against her, as he watched the smile on her face grown, "Very wild, but very good."  
  
"Come on.." she yawned,"Let's go"  
  
"Yeah, before you fall asleep on me," he smiled, and opened the car door for her and helped her into the car, "How many layers on this thing?" he asked, making sure all the skirt was inside the car before he closed it.  
  
Jing Mei smirked."Wouldn't you like to know"  
  
Carter wiggled his eyebrows, "I can find out," he grinned and closed the door and went around to the drivers side and started it up.  
  
She covered her face with her hands."Ohhhhh man"  
  
"What?" Carter chuckled, watching her face in amusement, "So, where to, Mrs Carter?" Carter asked, stopping when he said those words, "Ok, it's going to take a bit to get use to that.." he murmured, but gave a smile.  
  
She shook her head,"Give me a sec to get over that eyebrow wiggling" Jing Mei laughed  
  
Carter gave a loud laugh, "Alright, I guess I better not do that again anytime soon," he winked.  
  
"No winking!" she laughed,"Ohhh man."  
  
Carter laughed again, "Right, note to self, no winking and no eyebrow wiggling."  
  
"No, no, they're cute, I just feel giggly all of a sudden" she reached over her for the jacket he'd thrown in the back and covered herself with it as she curled in the passanger's seat.  
  
"I can tell," Carter teased as he pulled the car out of the carpark and glanced over at her, lookining like she was all curled up in a little nest of white silk.  
****************  
Over and over I thought  
When I hear you call  
Without you in my life baby  
I just wouldn't be living at all  
  
And I will take you in my arms  
And hold you right where you belong  
Until the day my life is through  
This I promise you  
This I promise you  
*******************  
"I love you" her eyes now heavy, Jing Mei smiled a sleepy smile."I love being Mrs. Carter already"  
  
Carter smiled and reached out and took her hand as he stopped at a red light, "And I love you," he said softly.  
Her eyes closed slowly, the smile fading softly. Jing Mei interlocked his fingers with hers and closed her eyes finally, falling into sleep.  
  
Carter watched her sleep and turned his eyes back to the road as the car behind him tooted, and he smiled all the way, looking forward to the rest of his life with her. 


End file.
